Classic one-liners

52 stories in this section.

A short theory of ordinary objects #9

Object number 9 on my desk has outlived three planners.

My alarm clock and I are in peace talks. Snooze is the demilitarized zone.

Object number 2 on my desk has outlived three planners.

Closets contain clothes for a climate that no longer visits.

Object number 7 on my desk has outlived three planners.

I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people.

A blank notebook is a gym membership for ideas.

Helium balloons teach loss with cheerfulness.

I followed the map into a lake once — metaphorically, I insist.

Keys multiply until they achieve gravitational pull.

Time flies like an arrow.

I own three umbrellas and still get wet. Loyalty is hard.