Classic one-liners

52 stories in this section.

Leftover lottery

Leftovers taste better when renamed 'planned meals.'

Riding a bike is easy until you remember cars exist.

I pay for cloud storage to store screenshots of things I meant to delete.

The remote is always in the last place you look, by definition.

Object number 12 on my desk has outlived three planners.

The first coffee is hope. The second is policy.

A double knot is optimism you can trip on.

I talk to my plants. Only one talks back, and it's the smoke alarm.

Object number 3 on my desk has outlived three planners.

I told my suitcase there would be no vacations this year.

Object number 5 on my desk has outlived three planners.

Monday is a rumor confirmed by calendars.